Maybe we shouldn’t have attended, but we were curious, being journos and all. Maybe we were cajoled by the “first true innovation in several centuries” statement on the invite.

Maybe don’t call it “FIVE.XP. – the World’s First Xtra Pure Brandy”.  

Maybe Five X.P. shouldn’t use its tricky punctuation to mystify us, or its attempt to capture millennials’ attention with bad spelling – the XP actually means Xtra Pure. you know, like X-Files, but without the torch lights. The ‘Five’ is intended to be a number between four and six. Maybe.

Maybe don’t give us the spiel and the speech that had absolutely no information and no technical details. Maybe all that subterfuge raised our heckles and our suspicion.

Maybe don’t call it a digestif, then vacillate and call it a brandy.

Maybe don’t be embarassed by the fact it’s made in Germany, or that the Noble Reisling grape was used. It’s a noble grape for shucks sake. Many fine things are made in Germany, just not world famous brandies/digestifs.

Maybe don’t assume we don’t care about these things.

Maybe let the attendees know: Where it was made. How it was made. How it was vatted, casked and stored. How long. Who the distiller was. Maybe in the haste to show off the bottle (pretty as it was) – and not tell the story – focused too much attention on the huge gaps in the plot.

Maybe explain what “vacuum distillation” is. But by then maybe we didn’t care any more.

Maybe be upfront and just say it’s a vanity project, we are all allowed our indulgences, our labour of love. John Travolta had his Battlefield Earth, and Martin Scorsese his Last Temptation of Christ.

Maybe if the liquid therein was the heavenly tipple that was hyped, and not the horseshit we were saddled with, it might have been saved. Maybe not.

Maybe don’t charge US$300/bottle for a spirit whose provenance is pernicious. But maybe those baboons in the *Bang Bang VIP section will love it. Maybe the liquid will improve with sparklers attached to it.

Maybe it’ll still succeed despite my ambivalence.Or maybe just give it to this lady.

Maybe your interest is piqued: S$450 per 500ml bottle, to order call +65 6764 9463 or write to sales@richfieldbrands.com

* A club in Singapore for simians

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