By Andy Kryza

Being a bartender is a serious test of one’s patience, one whose trials include brawlers, barfers, hucksters, and whatever you call that insufferable butthole who keeps putting Journey on the jukebox. And while there are certain behaviors that are guaranteed to piss a bartender off every time, there are others that slowly chip away at their calm veneer that you probably didn’t even realize were annoying. You might be the nicest person in the bar, but if you’re committing any of the below sins, you’re probably irritating the holy hell out of your favorite bartender.

©Jason Hoffman

Asking if there’s any booze in your drink

Chances are, you’re asking because you ordered something tall thinking you were ordering a double. Or you ordered something so sugary that you didn’t want to taste the booze in the first place. Either way, the bartender has absolutely no incentive whatsoever to screw you over on the alcohol content of your drink. And if you think they’re doing it because you’ve already had too much, you’re wrong. If you’ve had too much, they’d give you a glass of water and tell you you’re cut off. If you want a strong drink, order something that isn’t served in a fishbowl full of fruit. Or just order an extra shot to dump into your Purple Alien Punch it like a grownup. 

©Jason Hoffman

Treating the bar like a phone-charging station

Bartenders like making customers happy, and sometimes that means helping a patron out by charging their phone for them, provided they have a spare outlet behind the bar. But people are addicted to their phones, and that’s where it becomes problematic for bartenders. We get that your friends are running late, and you’re worried they forgot about you. But if the bartender was cool enough to charge your phone, for the love of God, don’t ask them to look and see if you’ve gotten any messages. And don’t ever — ever — reach behind the bar to check it yourself: In many instances is illegal, and in every instance is a complete violation of spacial laws. If your bartender is charging your phone for you, just let it chill there for 30 minutes. Your friends are dickheads for being late. You don’t need to be a dickhead because you forgot to charge your phone before you got there.

[ The 17 Unwritten Bar Rules You’re Probably Breaking ]

©Jason Hoffman

Being an attention hog when the bar’s crazy busy

One of the skills every great bartender possesses is the ability to shoot the shit, listen to woes, and concoct unique drinks for you based on asking what exactly you like, all while making sure every customer is happy. But just as you wouldn’t hound an ER doctor about a case of ringworm as they’re treating a person for a severed limb, an extremely busy Friday night is probably not the best time to tell an hourlong story, ask for relationship advice, or test out your new stand-up routine. Especially if you feel the need to utter “OK, like I was saying” after they’ve just cleared a dozen drink orders. Again. They’ll listen every time, but they’ll be dying on the inside. 

©Jason Hoffman

Putting a stool between you and your friend

There is a special place in hell for people who waste prime real estate in a bar just because they’re afraid they’ll get some skin to skin contact with their bro-bro. For a bartender, that’s lost money and frustrated patrons. On the plus side, it’s one less seat occupied by a person looking to try out her new stand-up routine, but still… 

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